Infants need to develop a relationship with at least one person for social and emotional development to occur normally. We see that during growth, the infant explores the world by crawling to and from a person (usually the mother), who, psychologically, is a safe and protected anchor. The separation from such a person, even temporarily, is followed by grief.
We, as adults, then carry over these patterns of attachment, even though they were healthy for us when we were infants. These attachments are now in the form of people, thoughts and beliefs, inanimate egocentric objects, and sensation inducing substances – including gormandizing!
The loss of people and the purgation of our thoughts and beliefs (in the light of new and challenging evidence) cause the maximum amount of grief and challenges for us. The loss of the near ones is understandable and does not require explanation. Let us look at our attachment to thoughts and beliefs.
Our attachments to our perceptions, thoughts, beliefs about our relationships with people, expectations about how our country must conduct itself create resistance and do not permit us to change. Therefore, the very attachment, which, during our infancy, promoted growth and development, now brings us resistance, grief, agony and heartache. The problem lies in the carry-over of this habit into adulthood mostly because of our need for safety, security and protection.
Understanding death and dying is the primary step that provides redemption. Our religious and spiritual texts healthily promote the insignificance of the material body and everlasting nature of our soul. This understanding helps us reframe the way we understand the people, situations and the material possessions in our life.
Holding on to our existing thoughts and beliefs, in spite of challenging counterviews as feedback, is nothing but our attachment to our desire to be right.
How about being attached to love and forgiveness? To quote Rumi, “Love is a perfect muzzle of evil; without love who ever succeeded in stopping evil?”
© Nitesh Kotecha
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