Yesterday, an acquaintance informed me of an incident that she experienced some time ago. She informed me that her nephew was planning to divorce his wife. However, the fellow was reluctant to proceed with the divorce as he was not so sure about getting remarried! My friend wanted to know what I think about this.
I had a huge laugh. I think this is the tragedy of the Indian mindset. Acquiring a “married” status is equal to an Oscar performance. A divorce is the equivalent of a sin that deserves the capital punishment. And then, not surprisingly enough, acquiring a “re-married” status is the equivalent of the Nobel Peace Prize.
Anyways, apart from advising him that they know what is best, I asked her a question – “Can you give me some reasons as to why a lady should marry your nephew?” The nephew had already cut a sorry figure with me and I was wondering whether he deserved marriage in the first place!
I am quite sure that my friend was perplexed. I asked her not to seek any advice from me until she had something to tell me. However, this had me thinking. I think that all the Indian to-be brides and to-be grooms who are in their prime, need to address the above question to themselves before they entertain any fantasies about marriage and the like.
Here are some additional meaningful questions that may be helpful
1) What can I give to this marriage?
2) What can I positively contribute to my would-be spouse?
3) What are the negative qualities / behaviours that I have that need to be addressed before I think about marriage?
Why is marriage an achievement of sorts? I see marriage as commitment of two individuals who decide to journey together – a journey that would not be as lovely and beautiful as going it alone. Now, if for some reason, the shared vision no longer exists, a person respectfully parts ways and finds meaning from the incident and hopefully in another person. I think the Indian psyche of adding glory and melodrama to a marriage creates a dark ominous cloud which blinds a couple about what they want from a marriage.
A part of this mindset may be attributed to the fact that an Indian groom dresses up like a king and likewise, the bride is dressed up as a queen. I am sure that there are no illusions about being a king or a queen but what I am not so sure about is the mental imagery that such ornamentation would create – and its ultimate effect on the decision for a divorce.
And here is food for thought – Why is there no similar mindset for a couple where both are divorcees and are getting remarried? Do they not have a future? Can they not have a shared vision? Can they not contribute to each other, to their to-be children, and to the world? Is it possible that this whole image of “underperformance” and “under-entertainment”, as compared to a first marriage, be a stumbling block for getting out of a bad marriage?
No comments:
Post a Comment